and the verdict is...

So I went to the dr... got good news and really sad news...

good news first... it's only a level 1 out of 5 levels... so it's not too bad... but it will only get worse... :(
bad news part 1... only way to stop it from getting worse is surgery...
bad news part 2... i'll have to get my tubes tied if i have the surgery cuz getting prego after the surgery could kill me and the baby... any time i did get prego, i'd be forced to have an abortion...

so really i have 2 choices...
1~ have the surgery now to get out of pain and never be able to have a child in the future... risk getting rejected by men cuz i can't provide them with a child of their own...
or
2~ wait it out... continue to stay in pain... do what i can to try to control it with diet (can't take any pain pills... that actually will just make everything worse... ugh)... and hope (PRAY) that i get into a good relationship that is lasting and have a child with that person to make going thru the pain worth it...

i can't even imagine making this decision... so for now i'm just not making a decision... how does someone make a decision that will affect someone who's not even in their life yet???? ugh... am i thinking to hard about this? somedays i wish i could just be selfish... but then again, i WANT to know what a happy planned pregnancy is like!

can't end on a sad note... more good news... i get to work out again!!! wahoo!! i'm hoping it helps me lose weight! but the dr said not to get my hopes up cuz my body is in survival mode so it will probably hold onto ever ounce... :(